We frequently take for granted that our relationships, including romantic, family, sibling, friendship and all others, operate through many spoken and unspoken relationship agreements. When relationships break down, more often than not, a key relationship agreement (or rule) has been breached. Can you think of some of the relationship agreements that are operating in one of your significant relationships? Some common examples of agreements in romantic relationships are 1. monagamy 2. how much time is spent together 3. the amount of privacy allowed 4. daily telephone contact. When an unspoken 'rule' or agreement is broken this can be more difficult to handle because it's never been discussed or even promised. One person might have come to rely on something that the other person didn't even consider was so important. In order to work it out, consider the following. The other person usually has positive intent, or the desire to please you. Although it may seem intentional, the other person is usually unaware that the breach has hurt you. So, speak up in a direct and friendly manner and be willing to verbalize the unspoken agreements operating within your relationship(s). With cooperation, relationship agreements can easily be renegotiated and strengthened.
I would love to hear about your experiences with relationship agreements!
3 comments:
Hi! I'm visiting from MBC. Great blog.
So what happens when a partner has broken an unwritten rule, the injured partner has told the other that they are injured and find the behaviour over the line, yet the offending partner will not alter the behaviour? The offending partner does not agree that the behaviour is over the line.
When your partner has broken an unwritten rule, the first step is, just as you mentioned, to let your partner know. At this point being clear and negotiating a win-win solution is necessary and may take time. Being prepared to continuously renegotiate works in some cases, but depending on the line that is being crossed, being self-protective might be required. Seeing things differently is important, it's how we reconcile those differences that matters most.
Post a Comment